I’m just a little lost right now,
It’s only my second year of university
and I’ve already failed two classes,
He doesn’t want me back,
I can’t remember my fathers laugh,
Getting out of bed has been really hard,
I’m happiest after a bottle of wine,
I don’t believe him when he calls me beautiful,
I haven’t danced in awhile.
I was fifteen the first time I took a drag from a cigarette.
I felt dizzy and my stomach unsettled.
I get the same feeling every time your lips meet mine.
Only this time the cravings are worse.
“Aren’t you afraid to die?”
“Aren’t you afraid to live?”
I only loved you while I was high
I have never loved myself,
But my god,
I love you so much,
I forget what hating myself,
I spent the summer with boys I didn’t care about and straying from my books,
Fall has awoken me and turned me into a poet again.
So here is my heart happily on my sleeve,
If you choose not to take it do not feel bad,
My chest may be empty,
But my notebooks are glad.
Love isn’t always someone gently kissing you at the end of the night.
Love isn’t always understanding why he hurt you so terribly.
Love isn’t always him begging on his knees for forgiveness.
But love is not crying yourself to sleep over a boy who only calls you at two in the morning after he has drowned his pain in a bottle.
I dont think i was made for this world,
I don’t think I was made to be loved either,
I was made to die incredibly tragically.
And I don’t want to disappoint the universe.
I don’t talk much anymore,
And maybe I drink too much,
I don’t get out of bed until noon,
And my poetry makes you feel uneasy,
But my god,
I am so full of love for you,
I could pretend I’m okay.