I hurt so deeply
And you were afraid of drowning
I can’t blame you for this
I’ve been floating in it since I was 12
The hurt feels like home now
You can’t run every time the water hits the shore
All I needed was a lifeguard
And you disappeared
Lipstick stained cigarettes and old bookshops will remind you of me even if you can’t remember what you’re remembering.
I will fuck you until I feel whole again.
I want to tell you about how it feels to live alone when you’re suicidal.
But it’s not really “living” alone.
It’s merely “trying not to die” alone.
Give me a night alone in my room.
Give me attention but also solitude.
Keep me warm, build me a fire,
Kiss me softly as a grow tired.
Love me gently, but hit me rough.
My body is soft but my mind is tough.
Tell me stories to ease my head,
Please don’t leave me alone in bed.
I want so badly to be free.
Take this life away from me.
Give me pills that make me sleep,
Never again would you hear me weep.
I missed you
But the sun still rose,
And it continued to warm the Earth.
I missed you,
But the time still passed,
Like any other day.
I missed you,
But the music still sounded
The way it always had.
I missed you,
And I will always miss you,
But life still continues.
I will have to accept
That you are no longer
part of my life.
I should be comforted by the way he holds me, and how he speaks to me to tenderly.
But all I can think of is how badly it will hurt when he is gone.
Autumn is a time for the carefree
Autumn is a time where the damaged souls feel comfort in the trees and the wind,
Autumn is a time for chainsmokers and poets to reveal who they are,
Autumn is a time for lovers who do not know how to love,
The ones who find their emotions at the bottom of a bottle.
Autumn is the time where we can cover the scars and pretend,
Even just for a few months,
We are understood.
I haven’t been writing like before,
The only thing that drives me to pick up a pen anymore are a few glasses of whiskey.
I haven’t been singing lately,
The way I did with you in the shower,
Maybe because I’m always on my own and things we used to do together makes me feel lonely.
I don’t sleep enough,
I only dream of you at my feet and waking up is too painful.
When you left you left your sent on my skin and I’ve scrubbed for three days straight but you just won’t disappear.
I don’t go to all my classes,
They feel too long and I’m not paying attention anyway.
I don’t paint,
I always find my way to the colour of your eyes and it’s not beautiful anymore,
I don’t spend much time at home,
The walls want to know where you went and I don’t have the answer.
I forgot to eat today,
I didn’t realize until I got ill and had nothing in my system but the vodka that goes down like water these days.