You Do Not Have To Stay

I hate that every time I hurt myself, I hurt him.

I hate that I cannot be well for him.

I hate that this is just as draining for him.

I hate knowing that he deserves so much better.

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What It’s Not

Love isn’t always someone gently kissing you at the end of the night.

Love isn’t always understanding why he hurt you so terribly.

Love isn’t always him begging on his knees for forgiveness.

But love is not crying yourself to sleep over a boy who only calls you at two in the morning after he has drowned his pain in a bottle.

Addison

I hope you cry for me one day,

The way I cried for you.

Remember

  1. Don’t kill yourself. It will be messy and your sister will cry. It is not beautiful or brave and even if it was, you won’t be around to see it.
  2. Washing your hair is a chore but do it because you always feel better about yourself when you do.
  3. It’s okay to stay in some nights.
  4. He will break your heart, but he’s just another boy who finds it hard to deal with Mondays. so in a month you’ll wake up and not even remember that little scar on his chest.
  5. Don’t fight your demons. They’re trying to teach you lessons.

Different

I haven’t been writing like before,

The only thing that drives me to pick up a pen anymore are a few glasses of whiskey.

I haven’t been singing lately,

The way I did with you in the shower,

Maybe because I’m always on my own and things we used to do together makes me feel lonely.

I don’t sleep enough,

I only dream of you at my feet and waking up is too painful.

When you left you left your sent on my skin and I’ve scrubbed for three days straight but you just won’t disappear.

I don’t go to all my classes,

They feel too long and I’m not paying attention anyway.

I don’t paint,

I always find my way to the colour of your eyes and it’s not beautiful anymore,

It’s tragic.

I don’t spend much time at home,

The walls want to know where you went and I don’t have the answer.

I forgot to eat today,

I didn’t realize until I got ill and had nothing in my system but the vodka that goes down like water these days.