Lipstick stained cigarettes and old bookshops will remind you of me even if you can’t remember what you’re remembering.
You can praise yourself for gluing my shattered heart together again
but don’t leave out the part where you dropped it near the end.
I smoke too much,
And now my head hurts when I walk,
But maybe it’s not the cigarettes.
Perhaps it’s the echo of the lies you told
Pounding in my head.
I drink too much,
And now my eyes burn when I look outside,
But maybe it’s not the booze.
Perhaps it’s the fear of seeing you with her
That made me wish to go blind.
I took too many pills,
And now I can’t find my bed,
But maybe it’s not the drugs.
Perhaps it’s the home where we lied
Makes me loose my mind.
You were everything I needed,
And now you’re not mine,
I wanted to come see you,
But all I’d do is cry.
Your ginger hair,
And the guitar you play,
Has made a home in my mind,
I can no longer stay.
So one day I’ll leave,
To where you can not go,
Please do not follow me,
You can not stoop that low.
I will write you a note,
Tell you that I have gone,
Do not cry for me,
During dusk or through the dawn.
I missed you
But the sun still rose,
And it continued to warm the Earth.
I missed you,
But the time still passed,
Like any other day.
I missed you,
But the music still sounded
The way it always had.
I missed you,
And I will always miss you,
But life still continues.
I will have to accept
That you are no longer
part of my life.
If you won’t love me
Can you at least break my heart
I can write something beautiful again.
I hope you cry for me one day,
The way I cried for you.
She will cry,
She will cry over you like there is no tomorrow,
She will cry until her throat is raw,
And until her hair is a mess.
Her screams will echo through the walls,
And there will be nothing beautiful about it.
She will tear out the pages of her notebook that she dedicated to you,
And swear that your name will never again appear on the crisp pages that are so important to her,
But two days later the words won’t come,
And she’ll find herself sprawling your name over and over until the ink blurs and merges with her tears.
She will curse you,
And curse herself,
And curse the skies for everything,
And for nothing.
There will be days when the sun shines,
But all she can see is rain and clouds,
And days when she won’t see anything at all.
She will love you even though her heart is breaking,
Because she gave you a part of herself,
That you refuse to return.
But know this,
She will also learn to forget you.
So when she walks by you in two months time,
Laughing and smiling without a care in the world,
You will wonder how she slipped through your fingers,
And she won’t care.
Thank you for all the kind words, they’ll last a lifetime. I know you’re hurting now but unlike the words you spoke the hurt will fade. I’m sorry your bed is stained by the tears I caused. I’m sorry your passenger seat is covered in my cigarette ashes. I’m sorry your pillow was left with my lipstick marks. I’m sorry every girl who hurts you will remind you of me. I’m sorry I left you with so many pieces of me I’ll never truly be absent.
But run yourself a hot bath, pour yourself a glass of wine, shed a couple tears, smoke a few cigarettes, listen to some sad songs, and keep the knives away. Soon the wounds will heal and you’ll forget the colour of my eyes and the songs will no longer seem like they were written about me. Soon you’ll stop searching for me in the crowded streets. You won’t think of your hands in my hair, or my fingers interlocked with yours. You’ll erase my laughter from your memory and your favourite T-shirt will lose my scent and you’ll be whole without me around.
We had a short taste of forever together,
I learned what it was like to have flaws that are completely and utterly loved.
I felt how lovely your embrace was,
I tasted the lust on your lips you wore like a gloss,
I learned who you are,
And how easy it was to fall in love with someone else’s story.
But I also learned what it was like to lose you,
Have a piece of myself missing,
I felt the absence of your arms around me,
I could feel my voice shake while leaving you another message you won’t reply to,
I learnt you weren’t the person you led me to believe you are.
The truth is,
You will have to stitch your body back together
And you will have to be the one that cleans the waterfall of tears that have splashed your cheeks,
And no matter how much you wish for him to come back,
You will have to learn,
The world still turns,
And the sun still burns,
With or without him.