I hurt so deeply
And you were afraid of drowning
I can’t blame you for this
I’ve been floating in it since I was 12
The hurt feels like home now
You can’t run every time the water hits the shore
All I needed was a lifeguard
And you disappeared
I didn’t love him.
But he loved the parts of me I couldn’t stand.
So we played house
Until I burt it to the ground.
Lipstick stained cigarettes and old bookshops will remind you of me even if you can’t remember what you’re remembering.
You keep me keen
You seem to adore me
Even with all you’ve seen
My jumping jellybean.
Don’t say you’re parting
Only in dreams do I have someone like you
You would leave me starving
My dearest darling.
I know I’ve fucked up
But I’m dying you see
This is merely a hiccough
My beautiful buttercup.
I know you have another
But she’ll never hold you
Like I under the cover
My lone lover.
You are now something I fear
How stupid of me
To think you’d shed even a single tear.
My damnedest dear.
Hang me from the rafters like a Christmas ornament
I missed you
But the sun still rose,
And it continued to warm the Earth.
I missed you,
But the time still passed,
Like any other day.
I missed you,
But the music still sounded
The way it always had.
I missed you,
And I will always miss you,
But life still continues.
I will have to accept
That you are no longer
part of my life.
I’m tired of empty apologies,
Of drunken phone calls,
I’m tired of these tired words,
That mean nothing to you.
I’m tired of trying for you over and over,
I’m tired of you acting like a stranger,
I’m tired of your jealousy,
The pathetic way you contradict yourself.
I’m tired of staring at your name in my contact book,
Not having the heart of throw away your number,
I’m tired of playing our memories over in my mind,
I’m tired of crying myself to sleep because the loneliness is overwhelming,
I’m tired of writing about you,
But I can’t get you out of my head any other way.
I’m sorry about the bruises
You got from trying to climb the walls
I built about myself
They are tall and strong
But they are what
keep me safe
I’m sorry about your eyes
They way the leaked over me
Was never something I intended to happen
I’m sorry about your bones
And the way they took home in my bed
After I stopped leaving my room
I’m sorry about the blisters and burns on your feet
You got after walking miles for me
Just for me to tell you to go back home
I’m sorry about your ears
And the way my lies will forever echo
In the drum like I almost loved you
I’m sorry about the taste I left in your mouth
Because no matter how badly you want to wipe it away
You won’t dare because it’s sweet and rare and irreplaceable
I’m sorry about your bed
And the way it’s filled with
Our memories and my scent.
I hope you cry for me one day,
The way I cried for you.