Thank you for teaching me love,
A lesson they skipped between world wars and algebra.
Thank you for showing me the difference it makes to sleep with someone you actually care about.
You broke my heart and I can’t find all the pieces.
Without you the world feels colder.
The empty gaps where you once lived
Are leasing to vodka and lips that aren’t yours
Because I need to feel something that isn’t the pain of your arms not around me.
And I’m drowning in all the things I never said to you and I tried to swallow the words but now I’m choking on them and if this kills me
I thank you
He’s all the art shows you didn’t have time for
He’s all the concerts you had no interest in
He’s every poem you couldn’t understand
He’s not you
And I will always love you
But he is him
And he understands every part of me that felt unloved while I was with you
He unlearned how to touch me
any way than with a closed fist.
I’m sorry I tried to kill myself in your bed.
But I felt so alive there it frightened me.
He had constellations in his eyes.
But he said stargazing would be a waste of my time.
You seem cold.
I’ve been this way for years.
You’re too young to say that.
I grow faster than most people expect.
You seem tragic.
I was born with it in my veins.
You’re awfully pessimistic.
I’m never disappointed this way.
You have scars on your wrist.
I used to be sad.
You’re not anymore?
I’m not as bad as before.
You look at him like he put the stars in the sky.
I believe he’s magic.
You’re more innocent than you let on.
I have to hold onto something.
You don’t have to pretend to be strong.
I won’t be pretending one day.
I smoke too much,
And now my head hurts when I walk,
But maybe it’s not the cigarettes.
Perhaps it’s the echo of the lies you told
Pounding in my head.
I drink too much,
And now my eyes burn when I look outside,
But maybe it’s not the booze.
Perhaps it’s the fear of seeing you with her
That made me wish to go blind.
I took too many pills,
And now I can’t find my bed,
But maybe it’s not the drugs.
Perhaps it’s the home where we lied
Makes me loose my mind.
You were everything I needed,
And now you’re not mine,
I wanted to come see you,
But all I’d do is cry.
Your ginger hair,
And the guitar you play,
Has made a home in my mind,
I can no longer stay.
So one day I’ll leave,
To where you can not go,
Please do not follow me,
You can not stoop that low.
I will write you a note,
Tell you that I have gone,
Do not cry for me,
During dusk or through the dawn.
I love you in a
Because I know I don’t want
A future with you.
But I want to share
This with you.
When I am alone in bed at
Night I crave your touch.
When I get coffee in the morning
I want your conversation.
When I work
I wish you would visit.
I crave moments with you.
Not a life.