Survival 

But how long can you live 

On Suicide hotlines

And wine coolers 

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The Night The Sea Swallowed Me

I hurt so deeply 
And you were afraid of drowning 

I can’t blame you for this

I’ve been floating in it since I was 12

The hurt feels like home now

But fuck

You can’t run every time the water hits the shore 

All I needed was a lifeguard 

And you disappeared 

Shatter

I didn’t love him. 

But he loved the parts of me I couldn’t stand. 

So we played house 

Until I burt it to the ground. 

I Hope She Makes You Miserable 

Lipstick stained cigarettes and old bookshops will remind you of me even if you can’t remember what you’re remembering. 

Skin to Skin

He gently stokes the skin along my neck.

He does it in a way that was never meant to be erotic

but rather like a father trying to sooth his child to sleep.

He kisses the top of my head to remind me once again that he is here.

That I am here.

It’s easy to forget every now and then.

I press my head deeper upon his chest.

Here things seem slow and calm and real.

He moves his face toward mine and grazes his lips upon my forehead.

Then my cheek,

and pauses at my lips.

He glides his finger over my mouth and I pout so we’re closer.

Sometimes skin to skin still doesn’t feel like enough.

His lips meet mine and they dance slowly,

gracefully.

In a way I didn’t think it was possible for me to move.

He tastes of the wine we had just finished

but I guess I was still craving it.

 

Two Poems About One Loss

(1)

I smoke too much,

And now my head hurts when I walk,

But maybe it’s not the cigarettes.

Perhaps it’s the echo of the lies you told

Pounding in my head.

 

I drink too much,

And now my eyes burn when I look outside,

But maybe it’s not the booze.

Perhaps it’s the fear of seeing you with her

That made me wish to go blind.

 

I took too many pills,

And now I can’t find my bed,

But maybe it’s not the drugs.

Perhaps it’s the home where we lied

Makes me loose my mind.

(2)

You were everything I needed,

And now you’re not mine,

I wanted to come see you,

But all I’d do is cry.

Your ginger hair,

And the guitar you play,

Has made a home in my mind,

I can no longer stay.

So one day I’ll leave,

To where you can not go,

Please do not follow me,

You can not stoop that low.

I will write you a note,

Tell you that I have gone,

Do not cry for me,

During dusk or through the dawn.

A Letter To Nobody In Particular

Dear higher power,

Whatever you may be,

Why does it hurt so badly?

Why did you do this to me?

 

My mind is aching,

I can no longer sleep,

I’ve tried to tell my lover,

He doesn’t hear a peep.

 

I’m screaming at the walls,

I’m trying to get it across,

I don’t know how to handle,

All that I have lost.

 

I feel I’m going mad,

These thoughts are running wild,

I do not want to do this,

Please give me a death that is mild.

 

I am just so tired,

I have nothing left to give,

I need a different mind,

A different life to live.

Jellybean

Jellybean,

You keep me keen

You seem to adore me

Even with all you’ve seen

My jumping jellybean.

Darling,

Don’t say you’re parting

Only in dreams do I have someone like you

You would leave me starving

My dearest darling.

Buttercup,

I know I’ve fucked up

But I’m dying you see

This is merely a hiccough

My beautiful buttercup.

Lover

I know you have another

But she’ll never hold you

Like I under the cover

My lone  lover.

Dear,

You are now something I fear

How stupid of me

To think you’d shed even a single tear.

My damnedest dear.