Blood spills onto the floor.
I was better where,
I was miserable why didn’t you leave me there?
I deserve this hurt.
I deserve the pain, the embarrassment.
I am a disappointment.
I am heartsick and it is not your job to mend it.
Find someone full of life.
Just leave me here to die.
Death is a soft whisper,
Begging me to come closer.
The way you never did.
I decided to get out of bed today. I placed my feet firmly on the ground and I stood up a little too quickly and my body hated me for a moment. My stomach feeling like throwing away everything inside my body like I wasn’t empty enough to begin with. I breathed deeply and slowly until it settled and I walked down the stairs towards the dinning room. Between our bedroom and there, we had five mirrors. Each one I passed I stared not at, but through. I felt like a ghost, I found comfort in that feeling. I was startled by a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see my lover and I felt full, for just a moment.
“Out of bed, and before noon at that. We call that progress, darling.” I smiled at the thought of not being a disappointment. I walked to the counter.
“Wheres the coffee machine?” I asked softly, afraid my voice may rattle my bones and force me to crumble once again.
“You smashed the pot last week, don’t you remember?” I didn’t but I didn’t say anything. He pulled out a French press and began boiling some water, and then sat my body atop the counter and pressed his face into my chest while wrapping his arms around me.
“I’ve missed you.”