Winter Song

Do you have memories that are oft forgotten, but a certain smell, or sound can trigger the memory to play so vividly you feel every single thing you felt that night.

Winter, brings the pain and the heartbreak for me. The snow crunching beneath my feet. I was eighteen, I was wild and beautiful and I was walking home at four in the morning with a man almost twice my age and two hundred dollars worth of cocaine in my pocket.

I was so happy. The air hurt my face, and Carl and I spilt his last cigarette. The night was blurred but I remember being in his bed. I remember him telling me he cared. I remember the lyrics he wrote about me. And that he couldn’t sleep with me.

He said he wanted to and that I was beautiful. But I think he just wanted to take care of me.



I didn’t love him. 

But he loved the parts of me I couldn’t stand. 

So we played house 

Until I burt it to the ground. 

Skin to Skin

He gently stokes the skin along my neck.

He does it in a way that was never meant to be erotic

but rather like a father trying to sooth his child to sleep.

He kisses the top of my head to remind me once again that he is here.

That I am here.

It’s easy to forget every now and then.

I press my head deeper upon his chest.

Here things seem slow and calm and real.

He moves his face toward mine and grazes his lips upon my forehead.

Then my cheek,

and pauses at my lips.

He glides his finger over my mouth and I pout so we’re closer.

Sometimes skin to skin still doesn’t feel like enough.

His lips meet mine and they dance slowly,


In a way I didn’t think it was possible for me to move.

He tastes of the wine we had just finished

but I guess I was still craving it.


What It’s Not

Love isn’t always someone gently kissing you at the end of the night.

Love isn’t always understanding why he hurt you so terribly.

Love isn’t always him begging on his knees for forgiveness.

But love is not crying yourself to sleep over a boy who only calls you at two in the morning after he has drowned his pain in a bottle.

A personal Post

I never saw myself as the type to commit. Going from one night stands and blackout drunk nights with men whose names I couldn’t recall if you asked, to spending evenings at art galleries and coffee shops, family dinners and movie marathons. Discussing upbringings and debating religious views. My romantic life has been switched upside down to something I am no longer ashamed of, and I am so grateful.


“Hold me”

I beg in my thoughts

I can’t bare the distance.


Though We’re only inches apart

Your lack of communication

Makes it feel so much further.


“Touch me”

This time its my body pleading

Not my mind.


I move towards you ever so slowly

My knees gently tapping at yours.


“Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me”

The echo in my mind won’t shut up


It won’t stop

I don’t know how to make it stop

But you must have heard it.


Because you turn at last

Your hand finds it’s way to mine

And traces designs I didn’t bother to decipher.


I held your hand in place,

When the voice in my mind finally stopped

Yours must have started screaming.


Your other hand found its way to my knee

The one you knew would make me squirm

I quiver beneath your touch

Your hand continues to explore.


My thighs

My hips

My stomach

You linger along the gentle curve of my breast.


The voice in my head noticed before I did

She was talking again

Speaking of sins only those in love should commit

But she didn’t care in the moment

Neither did I.


I stopped wanting him to kiss me

Because I decided to lean in and kiss him myself.


He brought one of my legs around

It swung so I was sitting perfectly atop his hips.


I learned that his voice did not reside in his mind

But beneath the fabric of his jeans

That separate him and me.


Oh how I wanted him

In whatever way I could have him

I simply needed to be closer.


My lips took home on his neck

I was never one to believe in love

But I assume people believe it in because of moments like these.


Our bodies yarn for one another

We press against each other

In ways I didn’t know one could move.


It was cold in the room

But my body felt so warm

And full of feelings for a boy I hardly knew.


A button from my favourite dress

Was lost in the heat of the evening.


Things perhaps did not go as

Smoothly as they could have

But I never would have changed a thing.


Because the plans I had for

This evening initially

Never could have compared to the way

It felt to sleep in your arms.