Remember

  1. Don’t kill yourself. It will be messy and your sister will cry. It is not beautiful or brave and even if it was, you won’t be around to see it.
  2. Washing your hair is a chore but do it because you always feel better about yourself when you do.
  3. It’s okay to stay in some nights.
  4. He will break your heart, but he’s just another boy who finds it hard to deal with Mondays. so in a month you’ll wake up and not even remember that little scar on his chest.
  5. Don’t fight your demons. They’re trying to teach you lessons.
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Different

I haven’t been writing like before,

The only thing that drives me to pick up a pen anymore are a few glasses of whiskey.

I haven’t been singing lately,

The way I did with you in the shower,

Maybe because I’m always on my own and things we used to do together makes me feel lonely.

I don’t sleep enough,

I only dream of you at my feet and waking up is too painful.

When you left you left your sent on my skin and I’ve scrubbed for three days straight but you just won’t disappear.

I don’t go to all my classes,

They feel too long and I’m not paying attention anyway.

I don’t paint,

I always find my way to the colour of your eyes and it’s not beautiful anymore,

It’s tragic.

I don’t spend much time at home,

The walls want to know where you went and I don’t have the answer.

I forgot to eat today,

I didn’t realize until I got ill and had nothing in my system but the vodka that goes down like water these days.

I wouldn’t

I could fucking kill him.

I could gently wrap my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his face.

I could take his pillow from beneath my head and turn to his sleeping frame beside me late morning and press it to his face, smothering him until his body goes limp.

I could slip something in his drink the next time we go out.

Better yet,

I could fucking kill myself.

I could take a bath at his house, and take one of his over used razors to my wrists.

I could tie a noose tightly around my neck attached to his bedroom ceiling while he’s busying sleeping until noon.

I could make the rest of his thoughts revolve around me,

I won’t.

But what a powerful thought to know I could.