Wounded

Blood spills onto the floor.

I was better where,

I was miserable why didn’t you leave me there?

I deserve this hurt.

I deserve the pain, the embarrassment.

I am a disappointment.

I am heartsick and it is not your job to mend it.

Find someone full of life.

Just leave me here to die.

You seem cold.

I’ve been this way for years.

You’re too young to say that.

I grow faster than most people expect.

You seem tragic.

I was born with it in my veins.

You’re awfully pessimistic.

I’m never disappointed this way.

You have scars on your wrist.

I used to be sad.

You’re not anymore?

I’m not as bad as before.

You look at him like he put the stars in the sky.

I believe he’s magic.

You’re more innocent than you let on.

I have to hold onto something.

You don’t have to pretend to be strong.

I won’t be pretending one day.

Two Poems About One Loss

(1)

I smoke too much,

And now my head hurts when I walk,

But maybe it’s not the cigarettes.

Perhaps it’s the echo of the lies you told

Pounding in my head.

 

I drink too much,

And now my eyes burn when I look outside,

But maybe it’s not the booze.

Perhaps it’s the fear of seeing you with her

That made me wish to go blind.

 

I took too many pills,

And now I can’t find my bed,

But maybe it’s not the drugs.

Perhaps it’s the home where we lied

Makes me loose my mind.

(2)

You were everything I needed,

And now you’re not mine,

I wanted to come see you,

But all I’d do is cry.

Your ginger hair,

And the guitar you play,

Has made a home in my mind,

I can no longer stay.

So one day I’ll leave,

To where you can not go,

Please do not follow me,

You can not stoop that low.

I will write you a note,

Tell you that I have gone,

Do not cry for me,

During dusk or through the dawn.

A Letter To Nobody In Particular

Dear higher power,

Whatever you may be,

Why does it hurt so badly?

Why did you do this to me?

 

My mind is aching,

I can no longer sleep,

I’ve tried to tell my lover,

He doesn’t hear a peep.

 

I’m screaming at the walls,

I’m trying to get it across,

I don’t know how to handle,

All that I have lost.

 

I feel I’m going mad,

These thoughts are running wild,

I do not want to do this,

Please give me a death that is mild.

 

I am just so tired,

I have nothing left to give,

I need a different mind,

A different life to live.

Mirror: Part Five

The day went by. Different than before, I went outside today. I walked to a coffeeshop and brought along the book and I watched life happen around me. It was beautiful. Things were different today, I looked up in the mirror about the coffeehouse sofa, my face done up, my hair brushed, and a dress covering the frightful sight of an unloved body. I called my mother today, she said she’s come by to see me multiple times, I don’t recall, but I don’t tell her than. I come home while my boyfriend is at a meeting. I think of all the good things that have filled my day. I think of all the hurt that filled the past months.

I don’t remember smashing the mirror. But I do remember the feeling of the glass against the soft flesh of my wrist.